What We Didn’t See Coming

This is not the post I was expecting to write to you all today.  Next week was actually supposed to be our back to school week with all the frills and fun that that brings.  I had just finished concocting my weekly chart, and was so excited to get to use it.  I couldn’t wait to blog about it and tell you what our first full-fledged homeschooling year would be all about.

That post will still happen, just not today.  And my lovely school chart will be used, just not next week.  Yesterday life threw us a bit of a curve ball.  They seem to be coming one after another these days, which makes it so hard to tell you how we’re truly doing.  One day we’re great, and the next we’re devastated, and then we find our footing again before finding something new to stumble on.  This entire last year has been this way and it’s quite exhausting.

Usually, though, it’s a health issue with the kids or emotional setbacks or our car breaking down.  This time it feels different, because… it’s me.  Growing up I was always the “healthy one”, I watched my brother and sister go through allergies and asthma and all kinds of hardships.  The worst thing I ever went to the doctor for was a broken finger and strep throat.  I’m used to being healthy, and I’m used to taking care of sick and fragile people around me.

Now it’s my turn to be sick, and it’s not something that will be leaving me.  I have a diagnosis, a fun little medical label that now gets to follow me around for the rest of my life.  The doctor is anxious to get me on medication, supposedly medication I would need to use for the rest of my life.  I have specialists to see and screenings to be done.  I am out of my comfort zone friends.  Specialists are for my children, not for me… right?  Right??

I won’t lie… this is hard.  But hard is not always bad.  The truth is, I haven’t been healthy for a long while; I’ve mostly just been ignoring the warning signs my body was giving me.  The ever-fluctuating hormones of post-partum, along with the stress of the last year, have seemed to trigger my underlying issues and have caused a downward spiral in both symptoms and severity.  It got to the point where we could no longer ignore the issues, and we decided it was time to find out what was wrong.

I am thankful we went in.  I’m thankful we have answers, even if I am not happy about what the answer was, we knew it couldn’t be anything great.  Nevertheless, now that I have a name for my malady, I can start finding some tools to alleviate it.  I extremely grateful that it is treatable.  Sickness and death are a part of the fall, they happen to all of us.

I am not immune from this, and am grateful for the opportunity to remember that life is a gift, each day is precious.  Being reminded of one’s mortality can be a spiritually healing experience.  I rest in the knowledge that God works all things to good for us, and that He is already using this curve ball as a catalyst to healing in our home in more ways than one.

I know that you all are praying, and I am so humbled and comforted by that.  Love to you all.  More to come soon.

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