A Glimpse at Three Months Home

I posted our “Glimpse at One Month Home” a while back, fully intending to update you with what our days look like now that we are three months in. Unfortunately, I can’t actually think of two days that have been close to the same… if anything life is more hectic now. Every week seems to throw us a curve ball between doctor’s appointments, holidays, Jake’s work schedule… nothing seems to remain consistent for long and certainly not longer than a few days in a row. Then we compensate and do something new. It’s pretty crazy around here.

But, the good news is that there is lots of good news in the crazy day-to-day. We are actually making so much progress as a family, even though it often feels like I am doing nothing at all to facilitate that. We are so focused on the bare essentials right now that I’m not working as much on their therapy as I would like, I’m not doing as much intentional bonding as I would like, etc… and yet they are still growing by leaps and bounds. These kids, this family… amazes me. I live with five pretty spectacular people!

Anyway, I still wanted to give you all a three month glimpse, so we’ll just do it a little differently. Progress. Let’s talk about how far they’ve come! Here is a list of the many milestones they have reached in such a short time, and a reminder of how worthwhile this craziness really is. The “Befores” are all descriptive of Jacob and Hope while they were in their orphanages, when we first met them. The “Afters” are who they have come to be after three months of settling in with their forever family.

P31Jacob

Before: Curved spine, couldn’t sit up straight. After: Almost totally straight spine, sits straight most of the time!

Before: Heavily contractured legs and feet, could not bring legs apart above his knees or bend his feet at the ankle. After: Has good enough hip rotation to walk; can spread his legs apart to be held with no difficulty or discomfort and has gained significant flexibility in his feet. He can now bring them to an almost neutral position. <– This is HUGE!

Before: Could not balance himself to sit without back support or to stand with support. After: Has great balance and has no issues sitting or standing with support.

Before: Did not know how to play with toys, could not play even at the level of our almost two year old son.  After: Plays intricately with toys for long periods of time and has learned imaginative play. He plans elaborate scenarios with toys and executes them with good concentration.

Before: Could not accept praise, love or words of endearment. Such things caused embarrassment and shame.  After: Seeks out praise and affection, loves to be told that he is loved and is learning to give love and affection to others.

Before: Believed he couldn’t walk. Spent all day sitting in a wheelchair or crawling on the floor.  After: Now has his very own walker and… walks! He still gets around with his unique crawl, but he can walk and he knows it. That is amazing.  And never is he sitting in a wheelchair on the sidelines.

P12Hope

Before: Weighed 25 pounds at nine years old.  After: Has gained ten pounds, as well as some inches!

Before: Was wearing size 3 diapers and 4T clothes.  After: Is snuggly fitting into size 6 diapers and wears a size 6 or 7 in children’s clothes.

Before: Could not tolerate laying on her stomach for more than 30 seconds. After: Will happily do tummy time for several minutes and has even started experimenting with pushing herself up on her arms this way.

Before: Had virtually no protective movements (such as putting your hands in front of you when you fall). After: Has developed some protective movements and is learning how to catch herself with her hands.

Before: Was terrified of open space around her and could only sit with a great deal of support, never with a straight back. After: Sits very well for long periods with great posture, as long as she has a little back support. Is able to sit totally unassisted for a few seconds at a time! She is also becoming much more comfortable with open spaces, which is necessary for unassisted sitting (and so many other things!)

Before: Was totally uninterested in playing with toys, other than using them for stimming. After: Is starting to play with toys purposely and is learning to manipulate her environment to be more comfortable. (Again this is a HUGE step!)

Before: Spent most of her time zoning out and withdrawing from the world around her. Did not focus on people or events around her for very long. After: Is increasingly interactive with her environment, seeks out the activities and people around her with interest, and withdraws less and less.

Before: Was unable to eat sitting up, she needed to be greatly reclined from eating in bed her whole life. She also had no idea how to get food from the front of her mouth to the back, only how to swallow. After: She sits completely upright for meals and all we need to do is get the spoon from the bowl to her mouth. She has even experimented once or twice with picking up the spoon, but drops it when it gets to her lips instead of taking food from it!

Before: She was afraid of food being taken away so she would scream constantly during meals. The slower feedings (she didn’t have time to breathe between bites at the orphanage) made her think we weren’t going to give her anymore food. After: She is no longer afraid of not being fed enough. I can give her a few bites and then stop for five or ten minutes to help the other children and she waits completely patiently to finish her meal.

Before: Could not tolerate holding for long periods; it was incredibly overstimulating. After: She loves being held and almost always welcomes it. It doesn’t overstimulate her anymore and she feels secure in the arms of her Mommy and Daddy.

Before: Incredibly hypervigilent. Could not fall asleep if someone was nearby. After: She still tends to be very hypervigilent, but it is not as pronounced as it was. She is now secure enough that she is able to fall asleep in my arms.

I’m sure there are more things I’ll think of as soon as I hit “publish”, but this gives you a little bit of an idea about just how far they both have come!  I post this not to show you how great of a job we are doing, because as I said before, I feel like we are still in survival mode – just getting the bare minimum accomplished.  Instead, this is to show you how great of a job our children are doing, and what amazing things God is working in their lives.  When a child has grown up with literally nothing, it often doesn’t take but just a little love and care to see a great deal of progress.

And, of course, my plug… we’re not doing anything spectacular with these little ones – we just took them into our home and gave them what they needed: clothing, food, a little love and attention… and they are thriving.  There are a million other things I’d love to do but haven’t gotten around to, and yet their little bodies and souls are blossoming in spite of how little I feel we are able to give.  If you’ve ever thought “I could never do that”, trust me… you probably could!  I’m not doing anything super human here, just being a mom and watching as God does some amazing things right before my eyes.

Most of the time I feel totally unequipped and inadequate, but our Lord doesn’t need much, just a couple of unsteady hands and clumsy feet will do – and with those He can fashion some pretty beautiful pieces of living art.  I encourage you to offer up your own hands and feet and ask if He’ll make something beautiful with yours too.  Because the great thing is, when it is your own hands doing the work, it is also your own eyes that get to watch the miracle unfold.  And there really isn’t anything like it.

Comments

  1. That is so beautiful! What a lovely truth about God :). Thank you for this update

  2. Bertha Neumueller says:

    )h my goodness dalas. after reading your blog I feel you and Jake have accomplished so much. I’m not forgetting god has been there for you through this whole process. Just don’t feel how little you have done with His help, but how very much you have accomplished. You are a Wonder Mom and Dad….a blessing to your little ones.

  3. crystalkupper says:

    That’s so amazing! These sorts of progress reports are the best.

  4. Thank you! This spoke to my soul and encouraged me in our own adoption journey. Grace and peace to you!

  5. Wow. Wow. Wow. Praise God! This is such an encouragement to me. This is what I believed could happen when they get families, but I pretty much only see the ones who don’t, and it’s hard to see beyond that.

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