On the Rails Again

IMG_03601:25am here and we are on the train again.  I have slept a little but not much.  I have been going back and forth in my mind about what to even write about today.  There are so many emotions.  After spending nearly a week with Juri, we have so much hope for him.  He is such a joy, and we can’t wait to make him a part of our family.

At the same time we are dreading leaving him for these one or two weeks and afraid that what little bonding we have done is going to unravel in that time, that when we come back he won’t be certain that we are going to stay.  We left once, why wouldn’t that be the pattern?  But it isn’t anything we can do anything about, so I am trying to leave Juri’s heart in God’s hands.

I feel so not in control, and for anyone who knows me, you’ll know that’s way out of my comfort zone.  All of these thoughts and feelings are swirling at or beneath the surface, and I’m feeling terribly guilty that my thoughts aren’t more focused on Janna.  After all, she is the only reason we are leaving our precious son for any length of time.

I do remember not feeling excited right before we met Juri, and from those I’ve talked to it’s a totally normal feeling.  I am sure when we get to her city and her orphanage I will feel differently, but now and for the last few days, this train has been the very last place I wanted to be.

Unless our facilitators can pull off a miracle we won’t even get to meet Janna until next week.  Our referral appointment is tomorrow (or later today I guess) and we pick up the referral on Friday, which doesn’t give us enough travel time to be in her city before the weekend and, of course, Monday is a holiday.  So instead we will just spend three days doing nothing, no paperwork, no visiting… nothing at all.  Three seemingly wasted days.

I know three days doesn’t seem like much, but I am new to this whole being-away-from-my-child thing.  There is a reason why we brought our two bio kiddos with us, lol!  And three days away from Juri doing absolutely nothing just sounds like torture to me.

We certainly covet your prayers this next week, for our strength and peace, and for protection and a hedge around Juri’s heart and whatever bonding we may have developed while we could be with him.  Pray also for wisdom as we go to meet Janna and accept her referral.

One last little thought, I have been having people ask us about our “Sponsor a Mile” fundraiser, so I will do an entire post on that directly after this one.  Keep your eyes out for it!

P.S. – Our kids are becoming pros at sleeping on the train.  They are doing so well amidst all the upheaval and uncertainty.  We’re really proud of them.



  1. Y’all are in my prayers daily.

    PS: Go Cards!

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