Last night I had a terrible nightmare about our open house coming up. We will be hosting one for our congregation so that they can see the new updates to the parsonage and as a way of saying thank you for everything they have done for us this last year. They are amazing! But in my dream nothing had been done, the house was a disaster, I wasn’t fully dressed, Jake was not helping with the kids because he “had a sermon to write” and my father-in-law let everyone in even though I was shouting at him to stall!
Disaster. Unfortunately, it’s par for the course for my dreams lately. I woke up anxious and by lunch time I was having a meltdown. Yelling-at-my-dear-four-year-old-daughter-for-tampering-in-the-cupboards-until-my-husband-told-me-she-was fixing-the-silverware-her-brother-had-disorganized kind of ugly meltdown. Yeah I was losing it. But in the midst of the craziness. In the midst of all that needs to be done in such a short time frame, God has spoken peace into my heart. A peace that definitely goes beyond any of my understanding.
Adding sweet Janna to our adoption has filled our hearts with joy, we love her to death. But the reality is… she complicates things. This was not an easy decision, and the follow through is going to be even harder. We are now looking at admission to the hospital directly from the airport. She is in a place that is far more unstable politically and militarily than Juri is. We went from being fully funded for our adoption to being short $7,000. We are going to be a family of six, and there are only five seats in our car. And the list goes on…
Where will the money come from? The time? The resources? How Lord?? I find myself asking… but I don’t know. I don’t know how He is going to provide. But He has spoken peace into my heart today that He will. I have taken that peace and milked it for everything it’s worth!
I got laundry almost caught up. Little victory! I actually know how I want to set up the kids’ bedrooms. I haven’t done it yet, but I know what I need now! Little victory! A generous anonymous donor and our awesome congregation, who are letting Jake be gone from work just a little longer, have helped us shave off $2000 from our needed adoption expenses. Praise God that her ransom is being chipped away! I organized four out of the twentyish cupboards in my kitchen – it’s a start! I made three meals today. BIG victory. We have a few leads on a new van that we will actually be able to afford. God is showing the way… We had a budget meeting yesterday, and somehow we have enough to cover all of the things I was sure we were going to be short on. He is providing all that we need.
Only God. He is in the details, loving us in the little victories… the little victories that remind us of His Great and Ultimate Victory over death. Thank you Jesus for blessed reminders of your love. Thank you for this peace that I don’t understand. My world is totally out of my control, and that’s an incredibly scary place to be. But in the midst of it all… I feel You. You are with me. Thank you for carrying our family when I cannot. Thank you for telling us to pursue Janna, even though it doesn’t make any earthly sense.
If God is calling you to take a leap of faith, to let go of your comforts and to trust in Him. Friends… listen. He’s got you. The more you lose control of your life, the more in control He is, and as terrified as I am – this craziness is an oddly beautiful place to be.
Thanking all of you for following our journey. I have been asked if there are tax deductible ways to give to our adoption and there are. You can donate to either of the links below, and the funds given will be used for our adoption expenses.
Your prayers and words of encouragement have blessed us in ways you will never know. It brings tears to my eyes when I consider the great love God has shown us these last weeks and months through His Church. God’s blessings to you as we travel this Lenten journey together, as God slowly peels away our comforts and asks us to trust that He is enough.